He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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