I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
