just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
