I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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