he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
