Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
