I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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