she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Say something about gay babies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
