You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
