But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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