Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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