Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
