I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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