I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
