Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
