Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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