Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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