I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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