I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.