I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.