i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful