Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.