I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.