I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
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he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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