When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
