Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
