if i can run in heels then i can drive
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
