im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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