Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
