ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
