i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
