You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
