suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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