matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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