Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
