yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I met the friendliest cop last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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