I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize