6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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