so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
