nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
