Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
