if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
tell your sister to shave her snatch
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
