Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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