He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
