All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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