glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
