Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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