I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
