Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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