she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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