oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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