She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize