STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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