I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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