I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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