He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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