if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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