nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
