Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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