Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
