If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
