I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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