He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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