Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
