I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
