I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
