u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
