You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
