Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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