I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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