I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
