i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
