You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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