youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
