im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
