NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
