The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
