girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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